Fun times!
So there I sat, across from a wonderfully wise lady, downloading how tricky I was finding certain situations with my kids. Bedtime was becoming a nightmare with Mr. 6 in particular, deciding that was the time for fun and games. My 'very serious' prayer time with him, became a time for silliness and giggling hysterically at his clever insertion of the word 'poo' into the prayer he was repeating with me. That would end in a warning which would end in me leaving the room which would end in a tantrum and a whole lot of consequences to follow through with the next day. Just what every parent dreams of putting 3 kids to bed at 7pm at night when all your energy is sucked dry... FUN TIMES!
This clever lady nodded sympathetically and asked me, with a smile, "so how much fun are your kids having in your family?" It caught me off guard. Here I thought what was coming was some brilliant advice on how to make my kids more holy, how to make them calm down and do as they're told at bedtime... But the more I listened, the more the lightbulb flickered. How much fun was happening in our family at that time? Not a lot. I am a huge fan of the 'good old way' of having kids do as they're told because they just have to learn to do things they don't want to do. I do not and will not make everything a game or offer 'spoily' incentives to make their first world life more bearable. But what was being spoken about here was a very valid point; how much were my kids laughing during the day?
I think we all go through seasons in life where things are going well, where we are in a good space, where we have the headspace to think of all those lovely memorable things we see other parents online doing. Then there are seasons in life, more serious seasons where we really are holding the oxygen mask over our faces so we can keep the kids alive, let alone finding fun in that process. I realised that in these times, it is not child-centred to ask yourself the questions and do some evaluating, as to how much laughter and joy is in your home? Lets be honest, in those oxygen mask, survival seasons, things like staying on top of washing, getting a daily meal full of healthy 'stuff' into your kids, getting a clean version of them into bed at an acceptable time AND trying to fit in one-on-one time and Bible reading time and homework time...wow, and don't forget the chores that they should be doing, the ones that are easier to do yourself because then you don't have to fight and nag but that you know are good for them to learn... just your usual, everyday list of 'to-do's', these fill our mind with lists, our consciences with guilt and our home with tasks and instructions that leave very little room for fun and laughter.
So the challenge was on.
Kids are so perceptive, even if they can't put language to what they feel. What they do need is laughter. In good seasons, in trying ones, in the mundane and in the tension, we ALL need to laugh. Laughter is medicine for our soul. People all over the world are catching onto this, there are literally laughing sessions you can attend where cooky people sit and laugh. They just laugh. Hysterically. It does something inside us that uplifts our spirits and kids actually need this. To hear the psychological explanation for why kids actually need this, was a fascinating reminder that I had to prioritise this in our home. All that was happening that was by bedtime, if all that we had were rules and nagging's and chores and jobs, by bedtime, I had a 6 year old who just wanted to have fun with me. He hadn't laughed with me that day and he was just choosing an inconvenient time to do it,
I have started to make 'fun' a focus and it has worked SO well. In the car I would find myself thinking. The kind of deep thinking that drowns out little voices that ask you questions, over and over...and over again. Like 'where does the wind come from', like who actually has an answer for that in the 8.30am school rush? (God is a great answer for many questions by the way... although I did go home and Google it with the kids to get the scientific answer I forgot I learnt sometime back at school). I started making car rides times for silly songs. When I had a moment, instead of folding washing with little people lying at my feet, I would start tickling them. Chores became timed competitions and sometimes you just crack a joke and catch them off guard. Instead of sitting with a coffee on the sideline, I would jump in and play tag with them at the playground, ride down the ramp on their bike. The things you somehow learn to stop doing when actually they are still super fun and the kids have a blast.
I remember a while ago I was really struggling with working through something with Missy who is now 9 but then 6. We were driving home after evening church, just the 2 of us one Summer's night. It was one of those perfect night's when it was still warm and a full moon graced the sky. I pulled the car over and imagine her surprise when I suggested we go for a swim. No swimming togs, (thankfully I had a stash of towels in the boot as you do in Summer), just church clothes. We swam and had such a great time. To this day Abby speaks about that time we had the crazy night swim.
Some of my fondest memories as a child were the 'funny' things we did as a family. There was the time we went for a walk in the rain (we did this often). We got home and mum cut a watermelon. We proceeded to spit the pips at each other, which became throwing watermelon at each other, which turned into a hilarious watermelon war which ended in us all jumping in the pool together to clean off our already sopping wet, sticky clothes. And no,this was not a 'war' mum and dad juts watched and allowed us to do, this was a war they were fully involved in!
Some fun is an event, some fun is spontaneous, some fun is just thoughtful moments where you choose to insert humour to lighten a situation that could tip into a tantrum and/or you losing you patience.
Of course, better behaviour followed. Of course memories are made. Of course as a parent you learn the art of bypassing your feelings and creating memories rather than survival mode which ends in those evenings where we pat ourselves on the back because the kids (and ourselves) survived another day.
I'm not sure about you but I want a home full of laughter and joy. That whether we are in seasons of plenty or seasons where we are stretched financially, seasons where marriage is going great or where it's a mess, seasons where you feel on top of life or like you're falling miserably, that we as parents choose to find and make fun a factor in every day.
This clever lady nodded sympathetically and asked me, with a smile, "so how much fun are your kids having in your family?" It caught me off guard. Here I thought what was coming was some brilliant advice on how to make my kids more holy, how to make them calm down and do as they're told at bedtime... But the more I listened, the more the lightbulb flickered. How much fun was happening in our family at that time? Not a lot. I am a huge fan of the 'good old way' of having kids do as they're told because they just have to learn to do things they don't want to do. I do not and will not make everything a game or offer 'spoily' incentives to make their first world life more bearable. But what was being spoken about here was a very valid point; how much were my kids laughing during the day?
I think we all go through seasons in life where things are going well, where we are in a good space, where we have the headspace to think of all those lovely memorable things we see other parents online doing. Then there are seasons in life, more serious seasons where we really are holding the oxygen mask over our faces so we can keep the kids alive, let alone finding fun in that process. I realised that in these times, it is not child-centred to ask yourself the questions and do some evaluating, as to how much laughter and joy is in your home? Lets be honest, in those oxygen mask, survival seasons, things like staying on top of washing, getting a daily meal full of healthy 'stuff' into your kids, getting a clean version of them into bed at an acceptable time AND trying to fit in one-on-one time and Bible reading time and homework time...wow, and don't forget the chores that they should be doing, the ones that are easier to do yourself because then you don't have to fight and nag but that you know are good for them to learn... just your usual, everyday list of 'to-do's', these fill our mind with lists, our consciences with guilt and our home with tasks and instructions that leave very little room for fun and laughter.
So the challenge was on.
Kids are so perceptive, even if they can't put language to what they feel. What they do need is laughter. In good seasons, in trying ones, in the mundane and in the tension, we ALL need to laugh. Laughter is medicine for our soul. People all over the world are catching onto this, there are literally laughing sessions you can attend where cooky people sit and laugh. They just laugh. Hysterically. It does something inside us that uplifts our spirits and kids actually need this. To hear the psychological explanation for why kids actually need this, was a fascinating reminder that I had to prioritise this in our home. All that was happening that was by bedtime, if all that we had were rules and nagging's and chores and jobs, by bedtime, I had a 6 year old who just wanted to have fun with me. He hadn't laughed with me that day and he was just choosing an inconvenient time to do it,I have started to make 'fun' a focus and it has worked SO well. In the car I would find myself thinking. The kind of deep thinking that drowns out little voices that ask you questions, over and over...and over again. Like 'where does the wind come from', like who actually has an answer for that in the 8.30am school rush? (God is a great answer for many questions by the way... although I did go home and Google it with the kids to get the scientific answer I forgot I learnt sometime back at school). I started making car rides times for silly songs. When I had a moment, instead of folding washing with little people lying at my feet, I would start tickling them. Chores became timed competitions and sometimes you just crack a joke and catch them off guard. Instead of sitting with a coffee on the sideline, I would jump in and play tag with them at the playground, ride down the ramp on their bike. The things you somehow learn to stop doing when actually they are still super fun and the kids have a blast.
I remember a while ago I was really struggling with working through something with Missy who is now 9 but then 6. We were driving home after evening church, just the 2 of us one Summer's night. It was one of those perfect night's when it was still warm and a full moon graced the sky. I pulled the car over and imagine her surprise when I suggested we go for a swim. No swimming togs, (thankfully I had a stash of towels in the boot as you do in Summer), just church clothes. We swam and had such a great time. To this day Abby speaks about that time we had the crazy night swim.
Some fun is an event, some fun is spontaneous, some fun is just thoughtful moments where you choose to insert humour to lighten a situation that could tip into a tantrum and/or you losing you patience.
Of course, better behaviour followed. Of course memories are made. Of course as a parent you learn the art of bypassing your feelings and creating memories rather than survival mode which ends in those evenings where we pat ourselves on the back because the kids (and ourselves) survived another day.
I'm not sure about you but I want a home full of laughter and joy. That whether we are in seasons of plenty or seasons where we are stretched financially, seasons where marriage is going great or where it's a mess, seasons where you feel on top of life or like you're falling miserably, that we as parents choose to find and make fun a factor in every day.
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