The first world parenting predicament
Right now it is exactly 1 week until Christmas Eve! In amidst gingerbread houses, a little too much sun and all the get-togethers that come with an end of year, I have been pondering the predicament that us first world parents face.
This Christmas I had a desire to make Christmas different than our other Christmas', as I eluded to in my previous post. I realised that with only wonderful intentions of making Christmas a magical, unforgettable and memorable experience, I had to somehow bring it back to the core reason, to make sure that somehow in the business we allow to swamp our lives, that we kept the main thing, the main thing! I realised, with some deliberate thought, that it wasn't as hard as I initially thought it would be. Without being 'The Grinch' and robbing our kids of the traditions and memorable activities we've done in the past, I could add new traditions and create new meaning to bring context and an understanding of the 'why'. It's all about the'WHY'.
At the end of the day, if all was stripped away from us and for some terrible reason, we were left with nothing; no presents, no big fat Christmas lunch, no exciting activities with the build up to Christmas...would we still be joyful in our celebration of Christmas. We cannot blame our kids for their high expectation for what Christmas will be, after all, we set the bar!
So here I sit, well earlier actually, during our pre-Christmas church event, sitting watching images of the nativity flash up on the screen before me, thinking about the predicament we have in this day and age, raising kids who are grateful and generous. What a challenge in this wonderful time of convenience and plenty that we live in. Sure we all think we're hard done by at times when money gets tight, but we aren't sending our kids off to beg tomorrow morning or seeing them rummage through rubbish piles for food so in the scheme of things we're doing OK I guess. This first world parenting predicament. In a world where it's achievable and sometimes even easy to give our kids what they want. Where learning patience is becoming a harder and harder lesson to give them.
Contrasting images of previous missions videos flash through my mind at this point. The wonder on the faces of some kids in Tanzania who are receiving their Christmas boxes from us in NZ. Little faces with bright smiles, eyes that light up at unpacking a pencil case and a few pens. The excitement that would cause that little person to run around screaming and showing everyone what they got. Contentment, gratitude and thankfulness flowing from a place deeper than we could conjure up. A place of lack. We can't blame our kids for not having that same sense of gratutude as they make their way through the mountains of presents they will receive. They are receiving anything they get from a place of plenty. Another toy for the toybox. God help us.
The predicament I find myself in is between the desire to bless the socks off those I love and in that, striking a balance where they have the opportunity to develop a thankful and contented heart.
I have tried this year to make our daily activities have a focus of giving, gratitude and really just provoking their little minds to thinking about others and what they're thankful for instead of just building up an expectation for what they want to get this year.I was beginning to feel like my activities and attempts were very small ripples in a very large ocean until this week when two things happened.
One of the things we did this week as our Christmas shopping for each other. The kids did a day of chores to earn a bit extra and off we went to buy our family presents. Each carefully picked gift was thoughtfully wrapped and is now sitting under our tree. The kids have walked past it on many occasion this week and excitedly told their sibling how much they are going to love the present they bought them. Then today, driving to church, Abby randomly says, "Mum, I think giving gifts is more exciting than getting gifts."Hallelujah" moment much? I couldn't have been more thankful that she got it! Her light-bulb moment! The joy of GIVING a gift is much more than joy you could have from getting a gift.
The second thing that blessed my heart was something Noah did today. We had the pocket money out on the dining room table and each child was counting how much they had. Gavin was helping them work out how much they needed to tithe and also helping them set aside some money that they wanted to spend on ice-creams after the service. One of our consequences for misbehaviour is taking away a coin from the 10, 10c coins you can receive each day. Abby has had a tough week and needless to say, her coins reflected that. Noah obviously noted Abby's dejected countenance and after counting all of his, runs over to me and whispers in my ear, I'm going to share with Abby'. He then went and started putting handfuls of coins in his big sister's jar. This was such a huge moment for me. Seeing them share, not prompted by Gavin or myself, but just because their heart was moved and they enjoyed giving.
These small events prompted some deep thinking about how sometimes it really is just the small changes we make that begin to have a profound impact on the kids. Small changes, small things introduced, the small ways we change focus to what's important. Although I think we have a long way to go in terms of exploring ways we can truly show love at Christmas, what a neat start to the overhaul of our Christmas experience with our family.
This parenting predicament of being able to give our kids what they want also prompted us to start saying no. How mean! Saying no to each of them getting their own treat when we are out. Making them pick 1 gingerbread man from the bakery and sharing him. Choosing 1 drink to share when we go out. One of the things I count as one of my GREATEST blessing was growing up with less money around than was ideal. Dad worked so hard and mum chose to stay home with us. That meant there wasn't money when we were little to walk away from shopping trips with a treat here or there. What that DID mean was that when someone bought us a chocolate or gave us a present, we had a sense of gratitude that other kids better off never had. This concept of saying no (sometimes) may seem like a mean thing when there is no other reason than just 'I'm not buying it", but how else will they learn to share, learn to compromise, learn to be grateful when they do get given things? I will add here that this exercise of saying no, when you can say yes is NOT for teh faint-hearted. Tantrums will ensue and if you aren't game for crying kids then this is not for you. I do however suggest that you tell your kids what you're doing and why. I have explained (before we went out anywhere) that we are not going to be buying them something every time we go out. Sometimes the answer will be 'yes'and sometimes it will be 'no'. It doesn't take as long as I thought to break the habit of them expecting they will each get their own things although it has been a process for them to work through.
I'll end this post with the list that Abby wrote this week. One of the activities from the kids 'advent jar' was to write a list of all the things we are thankful for this Christmas. Abby went off and came back with a list, all out of her own. Although these are little things I'm getting the kids to do, I think it changes you as a parent when you start to see seeds of truth bearing fruit in your kids lives. It's amazing what the human heart's capacity for love is and it saddens me that we so often rob our kids from the fulfillment and JOY it is to love on others because we load them up with ideas and thoughts that Christmas is all about their list of what they want from Santa.
With Christmas around the corner, I wish you all the best with your Christmas revolution!
This Christmas I had a desire to make Christmas different than our other Christmas', as I eluded to in my previous post. I realised that with only wonderful intentions of making Christmas a magical, unforgettable and memorable experience, I had to somehow bring it back to the core reason, to make sure that somehow in the business we allow to swamp our lives, that we kept the main thing, the main thing! I realised, with some deliberate thought, that it wasn't as hard as I initially thought it would be. Without being 'The Grinch' and robbing our kids of the traditions and memorable activities we've done in the past, I could add new traditions and create new meaning to bring context and an understanding of the 'why'. It's all about the'WHY'.At the end of the day, if all was stripped away from us and for some terrible reason, we were left with nothing; no presents, no big fat Christmas lunch, no exciting activities with the build up to Christmas...would we still be joyful in our celebration of Christmas. We cannot blame our kids for their high expectation for what Christmas will be, after all, we set the bar!
So here I sit, well earlier actually, during our pre-Christmas church event, sitting watching images of the nativity flash up on the screen before me, thinking about the predicament we have in this day and age, raising kids who are grateful and generous. What a challenge in this wonderful time of convenience and plenty that we live in. Sure we all think we're hard done by at times when money gets tight, but we aren't sending our kids off to beg tomorrow morning or seeing them rummage through rubbish piles for food so in the scheme of things we're doing OK I guess. This first world parenting predicament. In a world where it's achievable and sometimes even easy to give our kids what they want. Where learning patience is becoming a harder and harder lesson to give them.
Contrasting images of previous missions videos flash through my mind at this point. The wonder on the faces of some kids in Tanzania who are receiving their Christmas boxes from us in NZ. Little faces with bright smiles, eyes that light up at unpacking a pencil case and a few pens. The excitement that would cause that little person to run around screaming and showing everyone what they got. Contentment, gratitude and thankfulness flowing from a place deeper than we could conjure up. A place of lack. We can't blame our kids for not having that same sense of gratutude as they make their way through the mountains of presents they will receive. They are receiving anything they get from a place of plenty. Another toy for the toybox. God help us.
The predicament I find myself in is between the desire to bless the socks off those I love and in that, striking a balance where they have the opportunity to develop a thankful and contented heart.
I have tried this year to make our daily activities have a focus of giving, gratitude and really just provoking their little minds to thinking about others and what they're thankful for instead of just building up an expectation for what they want to get this year.I was beginning to feel like my activities and attempts were very small ripples in a very large ocean until this week when two things happened.
One of the things we did this week as our Christmas shopping for each other. The kids did a day of chores to earn a bit extra and off we went to buy our family presents. Each carefully picked gift was thoughtfully wrapped and is now sitting under our tree. The kids have walked past it on many occasion this week and excitedly told their sibling how much they are going to love the present they bought them. Then today, driving to church, Abby randomly says, "Mum, I think giving gifts is more exciting than getting gifts."Hallelujah" moment much? I couldn't have been more thankful that she got it! Her light-bulb moment! The joy of GIVING a gift is much more than joy you could have from getting a gift.The second thing that blessed my heart was something Noah did today. We had the pocket money out on the dining room table and each child was counting how much they had. Gavin was helping them work out how much they needed to tithe and also helping them set aside some money that they wanted to spend on ice-creams after the service. One of our consequences for misbehaviour is taking away a coin from the 10, 10c coins you can receive each day. Abby has had a tough week and needless to say, her coins reflected that. Noah obviously noted Abby's dejected countenance and after counting all of his, runs over to me and whispers in my ear, I'm going to share with Abby'. He then went and started putting handfuls of coins in his big sister's jar. This was such a huge moment for me. Seeing them share, not prompted by Gavin or myself, but just because their heart was moved and they enjoyed giving.
These small events prompted some deep thinking about how sometimes it really is just the small changes we make that begin to have a profound impact on the kids. Small changes, small things introduced, the small ways we change focus to what's important. Although I think we have a long way to go in terms of exploring ways we can truly show love at Christmas, what a neat start to the overhaul of our Christmas experience with our family.
This parenting predicament of being able to give our kids what they want also prompted us to start saying no. How mean! Saying no to each of them getting their own treat when we are out. Making them pick 1 gingerbread man from the bakery and sharing him. Choosing 1 drink to share when we go out. One of the things I count as one of my GREATEST blessing was growing up with less money around than was ideal. Dad worked so hard and mum chose to stay home with us. That meant there wasn't money when we were little to walk away from shopping trips with a treat here or there. What that DID mean was that when someone bought us a chocolate or gave us a present, we had a sense of gratitude that other kids better off never had. This concept of saying no (sometimes) may seem like a mean thing when there is no other reason than just 'I'm not buying it", but how else will they learn to share, learn to compromise, learn to be grateful when they do get given things? I will add here that this exercise of saying no, when you can say yes is NOT for teh faint-hearted. Tantrums will ensue and if you aren't game for crying kids then this is not for you. I do however suggest that you tell your kids what you're doing and why. I have explained (before we went out anywhere) that we are not going to be buying them something every time we go out. Sometimes the answer will be 'yes'and sometimes it will be 'no'. It doesn't take as long as I thought to break the habit of them expecting they will each get their own things although it has been a process for them to work through.
I'll end this post with the list that Abby wrote this week. One of the activities from the kids 'advent jar' was to write a list of all the things we are thankful for this Christmas. Abby went off and came back with a list, all out of her own. Although these are little things I'm getting the kids to do, I think it changes you as a parent when you start to see seeds of truth bearing fruit in your kids lives. It's amazing what the human heart's capacity for love is and it saddens me that we so often rob our kids from the fulfillment and JOY it is to love on others because we load them up with ideas and thoughts that Christmas is all about their list of what they want from Santa.
With Christmas around the corner, I wish you all the best with your Christmas revolution!
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